Zombie

I guess my hormones are leveling out because man, they're packing a punch. I don't seem to see a point in doing anything. I could be doing a lot of things to get ready for tubing but I just don't see the point. What does it matter if I have every item checked off? Will it kill me? No. Will it make any difference in the day whatsoever? Probably not.

I know deep down that if I don't do these things, the control freak in me is going to wake up on Thursday and have a massive shitfit. People are always telling me to relax, not to worry, to just go with the flow, but that causes me so much more stress than getting things together does. This is going to be the only tubing trip I arrange this year. Tired of the lackadaisical response. At least there are some that try to help, but I need to accept that trying to keep everyone together is a fool's errand. There's a time for everything. Fuck it.

I don't want to feel like I have this responsibility anymore. Just because I get shit done and don't sit my life around passively waiting for someone to take the lead. I don't feel like swimming against the current. Like we always say on tubing trips, the river takes what it wants.

I know it's just the hormones, like I said, and hopefully by tomorrow they're a little bit more evened out. I guess I need to get a good night's sleep. Almost out of Relax Bears. Gonna save them for the end of the week, because something tells me I'm gonna need them. I hope the tubing trip is fun enough to make up for this shit, because as of this moment I'm having a hard time remembering why we do it.

-Rae