Where is the Love?

Friday and I still have no idea what my work schedule will look like next week, but I'm really hoping that I can stay here, though common sense says I won't. To my knowledge (and I could be wrong) I think that me and another tech are the only employees here that live on their own. Everyone else is married/involved, has roommates, lives with their parents, etc. When it comes to having to pay your rent and bills and you have no else to help you do that, commuting to a different location every day and not making enough hours is kind of hard. They also said that if you get assigned to a place and don't like it, it's essentially saying that you're not willing to work, so you have to take your GPT and then go unpaid. I'm going to refrain from comment on that, but I did hear one person was deployed to the ICU. I'm sure it was their choice to work there (They can't FORCE you to) but still, we're not supposed to be sent to any high risk areas. I don't know. It's all very stressful.

Yesterday I kind of cracked up a little-compared to other people my situation is no where near as dire so I am definitely trying to keep some perspective, but it's strange to go outside to walk your dog and no one's around, there's barely any noise, you can't be touched, have people closer than six feet to you, patients look at you sideways if you have allergies or a cough. Being treated like patient zero and having to treat others as such feels so dehumanizing. Like you're dirty. I was at Walgreens yesterday (finally found some TP) and people kept glancing at my Ochsner shirt. When I got up to the register, the clerk made an extra effort to spray down before and after I touched everything, which I do my very best not to do. I know you can't take offense (I wipe down my area every hour, so I know how it goes) so I don't, and she does that for everyone, but when you work in healthcare, you definitely get the extra eyeball. We had two therapists stop treating because their family members work in healthcare.

Thank God I have some CBD gummies left.

My AC is fixed and it feels excellent in my apartment right now, which is a relief because I think tomorrow it'll be around 90 degrees. I am trying to elevate my mood so I don't just sit on the couch, drink whiskey, and watch Grey's Anatomy for five hours straight (yesterday I was so down that I actually sobbed every time McDreamy gave Meredith that FACE, and I was so disgusted in myself that I sat in time out in the dark for awhile) and hopefully this weekend can do some photo work and write, maybe. I've been going through books like quarantine snacks and I'm hoping I find another one like The Man I Love to put me back in the writing zone, because this is the perfect time to do so.

I get off at 12 today and I have to make a quick detour to Walmart (very quick) but then I'm going home, taking a bath, a few shots, and then attempting to do another deep clean. If I get terrifically bored tomorrow I'm going to force myself to reorganize my closet (which is a disaster) and write some more.

Stay safe.

-Rae