Soon, I’m gonna be a Jedi.

I am attempting to write this on my VR. And by writing, I mean dictating . And by dictating, I mean having a nervous breakdown. And yes, I am that lazy.

Last Saturday, we went to Megan Haley's wedding. Well, Megan Regan, now. It was an event we had all been looking forward to because she was going to have a Star Wars theme. And honestly, who doesn't love a Halloween wedding?

We had to go to Bayou Gauche because Scott forgot his shoes, and on the way out, we met Lacey on the road. The wedding was in Raceland and I thought it was at the same place where Stacie B got married, but it wasn't. This place is right off the interstate. Rodney's old house is just down the street. We got there and it was immediately clear: this is going to be a bomb ass wedding. Her wedding colors were red and black, and if there are better colors for a wedding, tell me, cause I don’t know of any. We were the first members of the HCC to get there, so we found our seats and passed the time by taking silly Snapchat pictures and trying to guess the name of the instrumental geek music she was playing. Any wedding that has Star Wars and Stranger Things music is top tits, in my opinion. Stacie showed up. Then, Brittany and Derek and Molly and Hava. Holly and Zach showed up too. All of us girls, me included, were wearing dresses. We were all wearing black. Like it was a funeral. We all looked fucking amazing.

I think her husband, Jordan, walked up the aisle to the Skyrim theme, if I remember correctly. He was decked out in a kilt that Megan made for him. He looked great. Then her flower girl, her little stepdaughter, walked down the aisle to the Mario theme, which you know, was totally fucking adorable. Finally, the bride came down. She walked down the aisle to the fucking Imperial March. There are no words for that.

She handmade her own wedding dress, which was red and black lace and made partly from Walmart sheets and tablecloths. Trust me, I know how it sounds but it looked fantastic. She was glowing. She deserves some happiness, God knows. It was a very short wedding ceremony, quick and sweet.

And we all went back to the little covered reception area and signed Jenga pieces for them. Their wedding cake had the Millennium Falcon stuck in the side of it wth a little sign that said Live Long & Prosper, which was, you know, the absolute tits. We comadeered a table near the food tent and socialized for a while. The food was on point. They pretty much had everything I liked, such as shrimp fettuccine and finger sandwiches and chicken fingers and muffaletas. It took a while for Megan and Jordan to come out. I guess they were signing their paperwork and taking more pictures.

When they finally did come out, they started making the rounds around the tables and taking pictures with their guests. It was a BYOB wedding and fucking Derek brought a goddamn ice chest full of booze. I really wasn't in the mood to drink but I did a shot of Jack with Holly and all of them. I think after my birthday at Paradise, I really don't like to drink too much socially. We all danced a little bit but my feet were killing me. I had brought footies but the ground was gravel and the dust was making my feet itch. Still, we were having a really good time. I was taking pictures left and right but my stupid camera was being a twat. I really need to get a better point and shoot. They cut the cake and then we started dancing some more. And she did this unsual maypole thing where she gave us a bunch of strings that we had to hang on to, with her in the middle. She was going to cut the strings one by one and whoever was left was going to win money and the bridal bouquet, which everyone wanted because the hilt was a lightsaber. Generally, that kind of thing is for single women only but everybody did it, even the guys. I almost made it to the end but she cut my strings and Brittany won, which was well deserved. When it comes to catching bridal bouquets, I do the bare minimum.

Then, came the best part. The event staff brought out a basket of lightsabers, which were our party favors. Well, you know what happened next. Lightsaber duels! It was madness.

Then they all had us line up on the walkway and make a tunnel for the newlyweds to walk through with our lightsabers. I was hoping they would do that. Then, we went back to dancing with our lightsabers, most notably to Weird Al Yankovic's "The Saga Begins." There was a bit of a tense moment when this fuckboy that had fucked around with Lacey's emotions a while ago asked her to dance, but Lacey handled it gracefully. However, most of us were painting targets on that motherfucker's back. At one point, I thought I was gonna have to shackle Stacie down before she football tackled his ass. Even the bartender girl, who was unlucky enough to be nearby during her diatribe, looked terrified. I was giving him the stink eye too, but I didn't wanna start shit on Megan's day, especially since he is a good friend of hers and a bridesman.

It was getting pretty late and I was tired and I kinda wanted to get Lacey out of there before he did something else and Stacie administered a lightsaber enema. And he was wearing a kilt. It would have been easy. At first, she didn't wanna leave, but I guess she got tired and she had a long drive back to Hammond, so we hugged everybody goodbye. I wish I would have taken more pictures because in my opinion, her photographer wasn't that proactive. I was trying not to get in her way but after a while, I was like, fuck it. She don't wanna do it, I'll do it. I wish I wouldn't have forgotten to take home one of Megan's little black pumpkins, which had R2 and TIE fighters and all kind of geeky stuff carved into them.

It felt so good to get home and get out of those clothes and get clean. Normally, I wait until the next day to do pictures but I was so excited, I had to do some right then. I found A Day of the Dead preset which went perfectly with her theme and a neon one that did amazing things to the lightsabers.

The next day, Scott and I had plans to go to the North Shore and eat Jersey Mike's because he wanted to try it. We were also gonna go to 2nd & Charles. Not long before we left, Scott got hit by really bad back pain. He could barely walk but we still went up there. Jersey Mike's was delicious as usual and he really liked it. Then we tried to go to 2nd & Charles but he just felt too bad, so we just came back. We're gonna try again this Sunday.

Tomorrow is the Blue October concert at the House of Blues. Then we have a Halloween party on Friday night at Holly and Zach's. I have no idea what I'm gonna wear. I hate dressing up for Halloween. On Saturday, I'm gonna try and go and spend some of that gift card money for my birthday.

I finally got my check from Uncle Scott's policy, which is a relief cuz I thought it was lost in the mail. I haven't gotten mail for 6 days. It's been a mess since the storm. It's all going straight to bills. Boring. But peace of mind is more valuable than anything you can buy in the store. and I have enough shit, so my heart isn’t broken. On Saturday, I'll probably go to Elmwood to DSW and Charming Charlie's, which opened back up.

I've been doing a shit ton of work with photos. I don't even know how many I've recovered. It makes me wanna take more. To me, my picture collection is like one big quilt. The more I add to it, the more beautiful it is.

Okay, well, this was a nightmare and a half, I now have a migraine cuz I'm too lazy to stand up and write the fucking thing on a keyboard. Until next time, assholes.

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