Trying to make it work but man these times are hard

Still me, still here. Still just trying to climb on the beast and ride.

On Friday I decided that I was going to have a self hangout on Saturday. I woke up early, walked and fed Jack, got dressed, and drove to Old Bay St. Louis. The last time we were there, I took a side street to get back onto the main street, and passed the most delightful old cemetery. The others were tired and wanted to get home, but I knew I'd be back. The weather was awesome and I parked in the back of the cemetery and wandered inside. First of all, whoever designed the layout of that damn thing must have been blind. There are no clear walkways, just tiny little tightropes you have to walk to avoid stepping on grass where bodies are lying underneath. I don't walk on graves as a rule-I find it disrespectful as all hell, but it was almost impossible. Graves and tombs were all jammed up in awful arrangements. It was so incredibly peaceful there, though. I got a few shots but probably should have brought the Nikon. Goddammit, I wish I had a drone.

After I tired of that I went into 'town' which is more or less an intersection of very quaint 50's type shops and antique places. Right next to the cemetery is a beautiful three story series of galleries and shops. I didn't buy anything, but it was lovely (and also a good spot to use the bathroom if needed next time) and then I went down the street to another antique shop, then checked out the pop-up Fleurty Girl. Went and got my car and parked in the Fleurty Girl lot, then decided to check out the Mockingbird Cafe next to the cemetery. They sold booze, and I wasn't ready to go home yet. I got a PBJ and a tequila sunrise (def yummy) and sat outside and watched the people go by and edited photos. It was totally fucking idyllic. If I were rich I'd have a summer house there. Usually I'm in a rush to get wherever I'm going, but I didn't have any deadlines to meet or people to hurry along, so I relaxed a lot more when it was just me.

After that I wanted to go home, so with the adventure out of my system I got back on the road. Stopped at Total Wine for a gift card (starting my Xmas shopping) and then came back home and watched TV and did photos all day. I definitely had a nice day, and hopefully soon me and the group can go back and spend more time in Old Bay St. Louis when we're not all tired. Today I am cleaning up around the apartment and then going to Luling later. I want to visit my grandma but I have a really bad stuffed up nose and sinus infection and if I'm contagious for any reason I don't want to give it to her. The woman is 90 and made it this far and I don't want to break her streak of good luck.

Lacey and I have a new obsession with Mini Brands and this weekend I must have gotten 9 of those motherfuckers. Crack would probably be cheaper than this habit. After this check I have to buckle down and start stockpiling for Christmas. I'm so freaked out about resigning my lease that thinking about it makes me nauseous. Sunlake is going to totally fuck everybody. Trump should have passed a law saying none of these assholes could raise rent until this shit calmed down. But what can I do? I already applied for a new job. Seeing as how I live on the third floor means I'll do anything in my power to avoid moving if I can, and though it's pretty basic, I do love my place, even though I accumalate way too much shit for it. I just hope something gives way. The funny thing is, the universe must think I'm doing the right thing. Every time I get in a jam, somehow I manage a way to get out of it. There's just so many things I want to do-go to Renfaire, go to Comic Con, go back to Picayune Paradise. I just want to wake up and not have this 10,000lb elephant on my chest named Afraid to Fail. I want to show my parents that even though high school was a shitshow and I didn't go to college, that I'm capable of standing on my own two feet. Without a boyfriend or a husband. More to the point, I want to prove to myself that I can do that too. I've done it for almost two years now, but I attribute a lot of that to luck. Fuck, I just need to finish my book. It's not goddamn Stephen King but I've read some truly horrific shit that's actually gotten published. All I want is a house on Royal St and a summer place in Bay St Louis and maybe a hut in Bali and a trip to SDCC. Shit, ya'll, I'm not greedy.

I think back on my younger self and realized how much emphasis I put on having things. New boots, trenchcoats, JTHM comics, posters, etc. Now that I'm 35 I want to have experiences. I have enough things, more than I need. I want my life to look like a very colorful and exciting quilt or something. It sounds stupid, but every time I go somewhere new, I mentally 'stitch' that onto my quilt. I may not ever go hang gliding or hike a mountain, but good times, I can do. And I want to write about them so that when I'm older and senile I can remember these things and have enough gas to keep going. I'm not going to have any kids so there's no one who will take care of me when I'm old, so I have to document. I am trying to stop being so anal about getting to places. I'm tired of having to push people along, wake them up, get them going. I am trying to find the peace to sit down and enjoy something rather then looking at my watch every ten minutes and thinking, "We need to be here in an hour." It's definitely a challenge, but I'm up for it. It's either that, or homicide.

I guess I'm going to go vacuum and guzzle down some Mucinex or something. Fuckin toodles.

Rae