Here I am again, trying to do better.
On Saturday I don't remember what I did but I spent my night playing VR (getting back into it again) and painstakingly threading little crystals onto clear wire to hang from my spooky tree in my bedroom. It didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to, but it still looks nice. It was a pain in the dick, let me tell you.
On Sunday, I dicked around until it was time to get ready and go meet Lacey at the mall. She wanted to go to Dollz & Dames in NOLA to see if she could hunt down a dress for Megan's wedding, so I met her at Lakeside and off we went. D&D was a little further down then I anticipated but it was okay, since the weather was nice. NOLA is starting to look like it's old self again. People were everywhere, playing music on the streets again, the artists and fortune tellers are back at their old posts around Jackson Square. It was such a relief to see that again. Lacey found a fantastic dress at D&D that she looks incredible in, then we hurried to Lush where she got me a Soft Coeur and some Sultana soap for my birthday. We got to Cheesecake Factory right when I wanted to, but they refused to seat us because they didn't have enough staff for our party (wtf) so we had to go on this wild goose chase over town until we found a place (Acme) that would accommodate us. Right when we got to Acme (which wasn't my first choice but it was food) Mom suggested R&O's, which was a much better suggestion. So Scott got in my car with Lacey and we bombed out for Lakeview.
We had a really great time at R&O's-the food was great, the company was better, and I got some pretty cool gifts. They sang us happy birthday (bleh) and Nanny got Dav and I two slices of doberge cake (from Winn Dixie, it was damn good) and then I dropped Lacey off at her car and Scott and I took a ride to Luling where his Mom gave me an incredibly cool present: An R2D2 Instapot! Gonna try and see if Mom will teach me how to cook her roast in it.
Yesterday I went to Luling to get my hair cut (I was a few minutes late, God, I hate being late) but I sat down at 5:40, I was out of her chair at 6:11, and it looks soooo much better. Went to Mom's so she'd finish my dress for Megan's wedding, she did a great job but I'm afraid I'm going to look like a fucking hog in it. Next to Lacey, I won't even compare. She looked THAT good. Oh, well, no one cares how I look, it's Megan's day. Tomorrow I will do a dress rehearsal and on Saturday I have to go scout for some jewelry because I have nothing good necklace wise to wear with it.
Holly said that she was going to have a little Halloween get together next Friday but I haven't heard anything more about it, the day before that is Blue October (which I took off for) which should be fun. If all goes well, I'll have a lot of photos to upload soon.
Beginning to think that I should just look at the writing on the wall and 'let go' of HCC. I made my decision not to have kids or marry and with it comes a lot of freedom but there's always a price. Either way, there's always a price. By 'letting go' I mean not setting up events anymore, but I know me and I know it won't be that easy, but you can't 'force' your friends to get together if they don't want to. There's different responsibilities at play here, and since I don't want any of them for myself, I have to accept what that means.
I'm 36, so making new friends is kind of the last thing I want to do (and I don't even know how at this point, my friends started out from high school and branched out organically) but maybe I need to start thinking of finding some that align with my chosen lifestyle. I'm not talking about giving the finger to my HCC friends, but at some point I gotta start thinking about the long run. I don't want to be the lonely, pathetic asshole constantly bugging my married with kids friends about doing shit they don't want to do or don't have time to do. I also don't want to be a lonely, pathetic asshole. I don't know. That's an idea to be explored for later. Either way, later has to come a lot sooner, because I'm definitely not getting any younger.
Enough of that maudlin shit. Friends notwithstanding, I have plenty to keep me occupied. I have my blog project and my picture project, which will probably keep me busy for the next twenty years, at the rate I'm going. I'm just afraid if I spend any more time in my apartment, I'm going to lose what little social skills I already have. Lately I've been feeling like I can't relate to anyone, that I don't know what to say when people talk to me, and if I do say something and they don't answer, I panic and think that I've said something offensive. Maybe it's just the current social atmosphere of the world, but I do know that the longer you stay in isolation, the less you can relate to the world around you. Of course, this just could be an extra prickly arm of social anxiety slapping me around. I'm trying to not let it take me over.
I do know that at Molly & Hava's wedding, we had such fun that it felt like it could only be followed by something horrible. It was fun to the point where it's like those movies you see where everyone's having a blast and bam someone bites the dust. That's a pretty dark thing to think, but we all made it home. Hopefully, the same can be said for this Saturday. My camera had better cooperate. I am bringing the other one.
I got an amazing package last night. Suann Laqueur sent me a signed copy of 'The Man I Love' which says, 'Rae, thank you for making me believe in the power of writing." Serious hell yeah moment.
-Rae