As you can tell from the subject line, I became a sheeple and watched Encanto. Twice. Which was more than enough to get "Surface Pressure" hammered into my skull. Drip, drip drip. Heavily. HEAVILY relate. Like, Disney has no business being all up in my head like that.
Been reading my girl again. I think it's partly due to her that A came back, but I tried to write about him and everything that comes out of my fingers and my brain just feels like toxic shit compared to her. She is definitely the kind of writer who would probably tell me to never do that to myself, but still, everything she says is so emotionally raw, and REAL. All of her thoughts on love and life and all the fuckin bullshit that is a package deal within just feel good, and safe, and right. All of her characters feel like I know them, like I could pick up my phone and text them a problem and they'd respond. I'd pay every cent in the bank I had for a goddamn TMIL movie. So, I'm going to keep trying to write and trying to keep in mind that she can write her motherfucking ass off, but so can I. If I could find the goddamn attention span.
No kidding, it's been bad. I've been off of my meds (I know, shut up) which is no excuse because right now I can literally stretch out my pinky and touch them on my desk. So, throw that in a bowl mixed with her books and I'm a vulnerable, lazy jackass. Dishes piling up. Clothes tossed everywhere. In bed from 6pm to midnight. Important things being shunted to the side. It's not like me. But like I've said, sometimes I like the pleasure of watching it all topple towards the floor just for the pleasure of reaching out and catching it all before it hits the ground. Not all the time, God no. But sometimes. As if to remind myself that I don't have to do everything IMMEDIATELY and it will still be okay.
Today, the dishes are done. The clothes are picked up. The books are almost finished. Bills are paid. My body has Amour inside of it, putting all my tomes back up on my shelves. I don't feel like getting in bed after work.
Friday I have dinner at Desi Vegas with the Rat Pack. Then Oddities on Saturday. Things are coming along in my parents' house, painting and such, so they're out of their trailer and moving back into the house, even if it's just one room. Sid is taking Jack tomorrow.
It's coming to what I like to call the End of the Season, which usually means that beginning in October, life gets busy. Birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, NY, Con. If Oddities hadn't moved up their date, the season would be over. In a way, it's a relief. This year's season started in goddamn August/September because of Ida and hasn't stopped. Nothing on the docket after this weekend since COVID is still hanging around and no parties have been announced. Usually there's a little break between now and tubing season. Let's just hope it passes by quietly.
Who the fuck am I kidding?
Nothing passes by quietly.
-Rae