Last dance, last chance

Today is my last day at Ochsner Therapy & Wellness.

It's only been three and a half years but it's been an era, to say the least. I went through a lot of emotions sitting in this chair, the 'hot seat', which Nina will inherit.

Yesterday was sad. Some of my coworkers weren't going to be here today, so I had to say goodbye to them on Thursday. We took a big group picture, Karen gave me a few gifts, and even Kayla stopped by (with the baby in the car) to give me plenty of hugs and a Starbucks gift card, which is going straight to fucking cake pops. I even got to say goodbye to Patricia (old interpreter) and take a photo with her.

But today is my real last day.

I've been through a lot sitting in the hot seat. Back when I first got the job, there was so much relief that I'd be away from the poisonous atmosphere of ODC. Days when Sid used to meet me out in the parking lot and we'd go and run the town. Slow days when all insurance was done and I'd yak it up with Chat in between checking in patients. Days when I used to talk to...well, we won't go there. Days during the breakup, when my heart would break just to go home. The day I had to tell Richie that I was no longer living in LaPlace. Days spent in frustration and anger and even jealousy, watching new students and therapists come and go and fighting with an increasingly impossible schedule. And then this day. I told myself for a long time that this day wouldn't come for a few more years, simply because I was too afraid to leave what I knew, especially when I had so much on the line.

And then coming to a point where I said 'fuck it' and just did it anyway because I'm tired of struggling and I'm tired of coming to work and feeling like I'm swimming the English Channel with one arm. I've been keeping my normal sense of paranoia at bay but I'm still waiting for it to settle around my shoulders. I guess we'll find out on Monday.

Much as I suspected, I have to go downtown next week for training while they get my computer workstation set up for home. This doesn't really bother me. I like the city and I've never been inside Benson and they're paying for my parking so why the hell not? I'd rather sit with someone and train anyway then do it at home where I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. And at least I'm starting on Christmas week, where I have a half day on Thursday anyway. My new boss seems super nice. Maybe if I get out early enough next week I can go get a muffuletta, I haven't had one since before quarantine.

Last night I was talking to Scott and watching the L Word and I started reminiscing on some things that I never really thought about before. It brought a lot of things to the surface, some of them nasty and some of them comforting, but I want to rearrange my personal narrative before I talk about them in here, because the last thing I want to project is a 'poor me' scenario.

I handed over most of my duties to Nina so today I'm just going to check in patients and tuck in loose ends. After work I'm gonna get some rice (got gumbo at home) and then go to At Home.

Laters.

Rae