In the clear

I can't remember the last time my heart and brain felt so light.

Usually, when something good happens to me, I tend to be suspicious of it. And even if I don't want to (And I don't want to, trust me) my brain turns the good thing over and over in my head, like a hot dog on a spit, to inspect for any flaws. I guess it comes back to my tendency of 'Be Prepared', eyeing the good things suspiciously because they can grow teeth and turn on you, like a dog.

But my brain has done that 'roasting on a spit' thing and has come up with nothing. My head feels like an empty, clean hallway, no trash on the floor or the walls to clutter it up. I know it won't last forever, but I'm soaking it up while I can. I know if that my paranoid ass brain can't find a reason to be anxious, there's no reason to be anxious.

I can stay where I am.

I can make things work.

I do need to repair some of my debt (that stimulus check needs to hurry the fuck up) but otherwise I'm going to be okay. I haven't felt like that in a very, very long time.

I negotiated with HR and got more than 12 cents, and not long after that they sent me the offer letter with the new rate and I accepted. After I did that, I went to Hope's office and told her the news. Kayla had told her I would be looking for something else, so it wasn't a huge surprise to her. She was very sad to see me go, but told me she wished me well. That conversation went a hell of a lot better than I thought it would. Even Felicia pulled me aside and congratulated me, and I could tell it was sincere. Nobody else besides those two and Karen know, because they announce staff arrivals and staff departures at the monthly meeting, and I don't want to freak Nina (my trainee) out. It's been a lot easier to get through my day knowing that I don't have to put up with it for much longer. Yesterday I worked until almost 2pm on my own, but I got a lot done and managed the front like a boss. Our power went out not long after that but things got fixed up.

Decided last night to come to Mom's because it was incredibly hot in my apartment. Packed up all my shit and came over here. Jack and I passed out and even though it was on that narrow ass sofa I feel well rested.

Work tomorrow but hopefully we get out of there early, and then I'm going to try and do my best to give my apartment a deep clean. If it's going to be my office for the future, I'd like a clean one.

Off to take a shower.

-Rae