I've been writing in my Life Ruining Blog because the things I have to say do not belong here.
As far as the things I could say in here, well, there aren't many, or else I would have. Mostly I've been sitting on my couch, re-watching Game of Thrones and letting messes and responsibilities pile up around me. I know I have to attend to business soon (like tonight or tomorrow) but there's a certain perverse satisfaction in everything slowly falling to the ground, like watching a glass tumble toward the floor and seeing how close it'll get before you scoop it out of the air. For me, who likes to accomplish tasks as soon as I can so I don't have to worry about them, this is not normal. I've also been sleeping a lot, which is not normal for me either. Sid was kind enough to take Jack for a few days so I'm not locked in here, and I've gotten out and done things, but the weather has stopped me from doing stuff like swimming or cemetery walking. Tomorrow, we are going to Sam's Club after work (we being me and the Rat Pack) to get stuff for Riley's birthday party at White Sands on Saturday. I have to go to Walmart and get dips and whatnot to make. I suppose on Friday I'll go to my parents and assemble Riley's bday present since I can't bring it with us.
The photo project is becoming much more manageable. I am getting really good at stringing events together and it no longer looks impossible. I have salvaged a lot of pictures but I haven't been able to lie at the end of my bed and watch them, so sometimes I wonder what the point is, besides keeping my mind occupied. My Mom asked me what was the point too, until I asked her why she sits around all day making resin stuff that she won't sell on Etsy. As for my blog project, haven't been doing that, but I am currently in 2004 when I was working at Le Casa with the crazy Mexicans. To this day, I am unable to look at a bowl of hot salsa and chips without my hands cursing at me.
My next and last EAP appointment is on Aug 2nd and after that I'm going to have to find a way to keep on with her because my head is not a safe neighborhood right now.
I bought my ticket for Beignet Fest and normally I'd make an event to see if anyone wants to come but fuck all that, done with making events and trying to get people to do things. I can enjoy beignets just fine on my goddamn own. Man, I hope they have that pulled pork one from two years ago, that shit was rolling. That night is also Alligator Fest, which I haven't decided about, but the lure of those crawfish/shrimp hot pocket things is too much to resist.
It doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself you've done the right thing, there's always a tiny corner of your heart that hates you for it.