American Mouth

Been 8 days since I wrote. In those eight days, a major Hurricane smashed into Lake Charles and missed us by a cunt hair. I have done nothing over the past three days but call patients and I thought I was going to lose my shit. I love hurricanes but I do not like what they do to work, unless they're shutting it down.

This weekend is Get Your Shit Together weekend. Which means cleaning, laundry, updating new phone (yes, I got a new phone, the 11-it's red and smexy) and hopefully writing my ass off. Grammarly is killing me with their limits and I can't find a decent enough free editor. I can't download Pages for some reason on any computer. Sometimes having a Mac is a lot like that scene in Austin Powers where he's stuck in the tunnel on that little truck and can't move. I need to find a way to hack into Grammarly.

Last night I downloaded CleanMyMac to get some adware and shit off my big computer. It didn't help that much so I'm going to take a lot of Buspies and grab some wine after work and hack at it again. Everything at my apartment is unplugged right now because I'm tired of my goddamn Entergy bill. I only plug things in when the sun goes down. Winter needs to get here now. Like, pronto.

As for my mental health, well, let's see-I take 2-3 Buspies before I go to work and when I get off of work I take a bath, guzzle wine and try to write and lose myself in that world because it's the only place where I feel I have any kind of control. Fear about the future is very much on my mind and denial is working out quite nicely. I am tired of my head being packed with problems I can't fix and with people I cannot deal with. It seems as if I finally have had to embrace the idea of 'taking it day by day' which I probably needed to do anyway. For instance, old Rae would be planning shit already for this Biloxi trip. This Rae is too tired to think about it right now, plus my Mom called me yesterday and said we might go to Ruth's Chris the Friday after that for my Granny's 90th. At least she told me now and not a week before.

What is my life going to be like?