b-e-a utiful

Sometimes it feels as if my life is a series of threads. They are a rainbow of specifics-Relationships, Financial, Family, Work, Things to Do, Disney, Jack. As soon as I get one pulled good and tight, one comes loose. I tie a knot, and rush to fix another. As I do that, I'm neglecting the others, and they all become varying degrees of slack. My life is one big Dollar Tree tennis shoe.

I know that when I am old I will miss this breathless race, but for right now I don't know how I'm going to do it. My anxiety over it is getting so bad that I made an appointment with my MD on Thursday to try and nail down this problem once and for all. I am nearly at the point where I want to draw my wings around me and retreat into a hole until I have to go to Disney, and I'm starting to think that after this month it's going to have to happen.

Thankfully, I only have one thing left to get for Disney, and that's my flats, and they're not very expensive. A few more surveys will have that in the bag. My bonus will be coming on next check (nervous to see how much that'll be) and I'll be giving that to Dad for safe keeping.

I have been keeping up with my promise to be more creative and productive. I'm reading two-three books a day, rearranged my desk (now I can see my TV and feel more comfortable working there) and forcing myself to write, though the daily grind is making A harder to reach than ever. The more I read, the more I feel the urge to develop my characters more thoroughly. I am reading a lot of Anthony Doerr; he makes my writing look like a thirteen year old's on Fanfiction.net. He likes to write about seashells, and the language of them speaks to me too.

I got a notice on my door this morning notifying me to come in and sign my lease for next year.

-Rae

things to do

-buy shoes

-go to Stacie's b-day dinner

-make arrangements for sending $ to Dad

-Mom's b-day get together, give $$ to ?? for cake?

-Get present for Colton's bday party

-crawl in a hole and pull it over me