you don't

I should really be in bed, considering I train a new front desk girl this week and handling that and all of my other duties is going to drive me spare. Last week was a terrible week at work and I actually locked myself in the bathroom and cried at one point, which I don't do often. I'm not sure if it's the holidays or what but people were assholes last week, and I'm very apprehensive about this week.

I'm not sure if it's that or the Armour resettling or my hormones but I've got that sick to my stomach feeling again that I'm going to lose my apartment and I'm starting to sincerely freak out about it.

Because of last week I decided to take this weekend and totally relax without anyone else around, which sort of backfired on me but I did get some things done, which is a good thing.

I know you don't think about me anymore and I'm not sure if I'm relieved or not but I'm waiting patiently for the universe to stop reminding me of you. All I want to do is to escape you and everything else and just lose myself in my writing, in A, who never lets me down. A is always there and can be whomever I need him to be, whatever I need him to be and he never makes me feel stupid or that I'm asking for too much. Even when I lived somewhere else and I felt bad I'd go and lie down in bed in the middle of the day just to pretend like he was there and it always made me feel safe. A is doing his job lately, maybe too good, I didn't get out of bed until 10AM today. I know it's unhealthy but the alternative is worse so I don't care that I'm leaving reality.

This weekend-the big whammy, the check I've been nervous about, what it's all been hanging on. Somehow I have to get through Christmas, book hotel room for con, get tix for con, and get Jack a haircut, while still having enough $ for groceries and everything else. If I can just get everything done, I'll be okay. I think. I hope.

good things-

I made a lot of hours on my check

Apartment is clean

I am in the mood to write