dancing with myself

✅ Plane ticket paid for

✅ Con & baby shower carried out with no hitches

✅ Lacey Xmas present obtained

Haven't written in a few days because it's been too hectic and writing has been painful.

I can feel myself backsliding into the bad place again which is unacceptable since it feels like I've scaled two fucking mountains to get here and I don't intend on losing my foothold. Feels like I've got too many eggs in one basket and I'm afraid some of them are going to start falling out. I'd stop it, but it's just fucking nature. When I was a teenager I was a fucking disorganized mess. My mom used to bitch at me all the time to 'get organized' and the only time I ever felt like doing it was after Christmas, when I'd get new shit and want to rearrange my life. Somewhere in the last ten years (and yes, it's been in that time frame) something whirred to life in my brain and took over and now if I'm not organized it fucks me all the way off. In a way, it's good. I take care of motherfucking business, and for someone who is TERRIBLE with math and numbers, my bills are ALWAYS paid and my calculations are never wrong. I love taking care of motherfucking business.

But sometimes, goddammit, I get so tired of making decisions.

Even if I did let someone take the wheel, I'd probably have a panic attack at the lack of control and try to do it anyway. Christ, part of me IS Dianne.

Thursday I got off early and went to pick up Riley, took him to Granny's to visit her, then brought him to McD's. We had a great time.

Friday was the longest effing day ever at work and I got aggravated that the 4's were making me wait (it pisses me off to no end how people seem to think you have nothing better to do than to wait on them) but I finally got out of there and went grocery shopping, came home and took a shower. Scott came over and we watched some Roseanne and ate some lamb. Woke up early the next morning, ran and got everyone breakfast, got dressed, and Sid and Lacey came over. We all headed to NOLA for Big Easy, stopped at Riverwalk to get Lacey some beignets because she was hangry. Big Easy was A LOT of fun, I enjoyed myself more than I have at Wizard World on account that it wasn't so fucking crowded. I also bought more there than I ever have at any other con: My first official Star Wars figure, a mini bust of Chewbacca, some super cute Stranger Things leggings, moonshine chocolate, a FUCKTON of facial glitter, and a Porg shirt. Lacey got me some blood orange Hogwarts soap. Scott got to meet Michael Biehn from Terminator. It wasn't a fun walk back to the car-the convention center has to install some of those moving walkways because it's like walking from the Shire to goddamn Mordor. Scott left and Lacey and I went back to Riverwalk because I saw this super awesome skull sweater I wanted. After that we headed to Luling for Tee's baby shower, which was a lot of fun. It's still a bit surreal to see Lacey mixing with people from my past, and she got to meet Angie, too. By the time we left L-town we were fucking exhausted, and I came back and Scott and I watched Star Wars. We found a way to push my couch together so that it makes a big pit, which is extra comfy.

Woke up early (I am incapable of sleeping late) and decided to go to Home Depot to get some vinyl clips for my outside lights. Wanted some new glitter flats from 5 Below but they don't sell them anymore. Scott wanted to go to Hallmark at Clearview to buy the Star Wars ornaments (they light up and shit, very cool) but they didn't open till 12, so I drove to the cemetery. Scott stayed in the car and slept and I walked around for a bit, then we went to Clearview and did our thing. He left when we got back to my apartment and I fell asleep for awhile and woke up with a wicked sleep hangover.

Next weekend-possibly girl's weekend with Lacey and Holly, not sure yet. Dad's birthday, then Thanksgiving, then Renfest. I made enough on surveys and Go365 to get a 128 SD card and a MagicBand decal from Etsy.

I can feel you there. I know you're out there and I don't know if you're thinking of me, but the world isn't letting me forget about you, which is unfortunate, so I'm hoping that if I have to go through this, you have to go through it, too. You don't get to get off scot free.

That being said

I

can't

believe

it'll

be

a

year

soon.

-Rae

✅ buy ticket for Wizard World

✅ start looking into hotel rooms

✅ rearrange Renfest

✅ laundry