finish your whiskey or beer

All I'm doing lately is working and downloading Hemingway books. He's not the kind of writer I thought he'd be, and most of his characters seem to spend their time getting drinks somewhere and repeating themselves over and over again and not being sure about things.Then again, the same could be said for most people. I guess there's something about it that appeals to me, though a Farewell to Arms is probably my favorite. Garden of Eden just fucked me up. Hemingway could have written that book yesterday, at some dive bar somewhere.

Downloaded the new HP game, which is a lot of fun though it seems costly.

It seems to me that trying getting better at this whole social isolation thing means actually trying to get better, meaning even if I don't want to be around people I have to force it and just fight through the anxiety. I tried to book an appointment with my primary but he's all booked up until next week, and financial constraints will make that and any prescriptions I may need into a problem. Something needs to give, though. The fucked up thing is that I feel myself wanting some contact, but my brain insists there's no point, and will only make things worse.

I think that I'm going to spend this weekend being productive and maybe if I am productive I won't feel terrible about isolating myself. Maybe I should fight the heat and go to a cemetery, that always makes me feel better. I haven't been in ages. Instagram's new algorithm isn't making it easy for people to get engagement, so me posting pictures doesn't make a lot of waves these days, but just being in a cemetery usually centers me pretty well.

The good news is, I'm starting to want to write again. Well, edit, and when I want to edit that usually means there's a short burst of intense writing close behind. I have to be careful with it, though, because if I start writing really well, I'm really not going to come out of my shell. People are already annoyed with me.

Back to ye old Hemingway.