don't you dare close your eyes

Feels good to cross things off of a list.

Tires done. The guy who did it has a crush on my Nanny so I managed to get it free. Just gotta find a place to dump old ones. Jack got his haircut. Went to Shogun Saturday night with the crew for Lacey's birthday. It was good, though I am not a fan of grilled calamari. It was me, Lacey, Holly, Liz, Elizabeth (Julian's Elizabeth) Ju, Scott, Zach, and James. After dinner, Zach and Holly went to the Quarter to meet up with the gays and we got daqs at DBC (mmm raspberry margarita) and hung out at the Lakefront, where Lacey and I got tipsy and James and Scott played Magic the entire time, the damn nerds.

Scott went to work Sunday, so I got up and brought some stuff to Sid, then came home and hung out for awhile before going to see Aladdin. It feels so strange, going to a movie alone. I sat on the other side of where we usually sat, but in my usual chair. The movie was beautiful, though Disney is kind of beating a dead horse with their underlying feminist agenda. Yes, women are awesome, but Christ, you don't have to tell a rich man he's rich. Will Smith did okay, though it has to be said that he wasn't trying to step in Robin Williams' shoes (nobody could ever do that) so you gotta hand it to the man for trying. I'd go see it again, and I'd even buy it, but I wish they would have cut out the political shit. After the movie I wandered Esplanade Mall for awhile (it's like dawn of the fucking dead in there, that place is so depressing) and I picked up like 5 different things in five different stores and didn't buy any of them, which is definitely a new behavior. My brain is getting rewired-if I don't immediately need it, it doesn't get bought. Plus I'm going to Biloxi this coming weekend, so I'm trying to save my $ for Half Shell and Beau Rivage cuban sandwiches by the pool.

Came home and sat on my fat ass all night, started watching Six Feet Under since I'm tired of all my old shows. I had an epic sleep but I kept on dreaming about Megaladon sharks spy hopping. Now I'm at work and it's Memorial Day which means my schedule is light and people are going to be calling me up all day asking me if we're open.

I think last weekend fucked up my Panic Barometer. Things I'd ordinarily be stressed out about, I can't even muster up the tiniest slice of worry. I think after the grocery debacle I'm just accepting the fact that no matter how hard I try, shit's just going to happen. I'm here and I'm here for a year and there's nothing I can do besides work over time and pay my bills the best I can. After this coming weekend, things are going to change in regards to how I take care of my mental health. Survival mode. What Sid used to call 'lockdown'. The universe does not give a fuck if I'm happy. I do not give a fuck about the universe. If people judge me or think I'm miserable or negative, I don't need them in my life. I'm who I have to worry about. This is the way the universe wanted things, well, fuck it, this is the way it is. But I do not , repeat, do not, have to put up with shit that I do not want to put up with.

-Rae