colors so smooth

✅TV paid

✅Insurance paid

✅Sid paid

✅Autum paid

✅Groceries made

✅half of entergy paid

✅Money set aside for Jack haircut, Shogun, and tires

✅gas in car

✅rent check obtained

✅slow and nervous breakdown

god I hope this weekend is worth it. Lately I've felt like I'm just a hamster, running dumb and blind on a wheel, and the universe is looking in my cage and laughing at me because I think I'm getting somewhere.

lately the scope of ten years has been picking at me with its small, sharp teeth.

it wasn't just the length of time, it was everything inside of it and outside of it.

ten fucking years. yeah, it wasn't 20, or 30, or 70, but so many things happened in the vacuum of a decade. had to turn off my picture slideshow. I can only deal with so much emotional bullshit at a time. What comes after the next ten years, assuming the universe lets me have it? If so much could happen in 3650 days, what yawns before me?

last night I got so tired of my brain waging war on me that I went to bed at 8pm. It's a feeling and I evidently have to get through it but I don't have to sing and dance for it. I felt horribly vulnerable, but hey, I woke up at 4am, paid bills, walked Jack, took a bath, got dressed, gassed up the car, got here to work early, and did everything I wanted to do before the onslaught of patients makes me murderous.

that lady that I submitted my loan application to is not answering my calls or emails. not a happy bunny. what is it with loan officers and communication?

Yesterday I got a FUCK-TON accomplished. Cleaned up my apartment, vacuumed, washed sheets, charged camera, washed clothes, dishes, put wiper fluid in my car, labeled some stuff, put all kinds of handy reminders on my phone, picked up prescription, and still managed to sit by the pool for about twenty minutes. Look at me go. I'm huffin and puffin, but I'm going.

today: make it through the day without falling into a stupid emo pit of despair, pick up groceries from Walmart after work, take bath, go in cave.

-Rae