keep on truckin

I am learning discipline and self control and thinking my purchases over before I do something stupid. Some plans got switched around for Big Easy Con and I found out that I'm going to be staying overnight in Biloxi the day after. Scott wants to get a room in NOLA that night for the party but I have to see how this car refinancing goes. When I tried to do it through Jeff Financial, my loan officer was a complete lazy fuck and I highly suspect he didn't want to help me out, so I'm hoping my new credit union actually does their job. I sent off the paperwork yesterday morning. I'm halfway through on my car loan but at the rate things are going I don't give a rat's ass if I drive that car for another 4 years, I need relief NOW. As for Big Easy Con, I'd rather save money for whatever it is I may want to buy there rather then give some of it up for a hotel room, especially since I'm going to Biloxi the next day.

I have so many goddamn reminders on my phone, but it's a big help. If Regions behaves this time around I'll have gotten a handle on my bills. I've always liked crossing things off of a list, always enjoyed the satisfaction of knowing I've gotten in front of a problem before it actually blooms. If it weren't so goddamn terrifying it might be fun. Turns out I'm much more adept at moving monies around then I thought-despite not being able to go to Chimes (and I can definitely live with that) I managed to get everything done/paid for that I wanted to do this past weekend. I arrange for bills to be pulled out of a separate account on the day they're supposed to be pulled out. I set up reminders for my birth control, for my oil change, for birthday gifts and such. I'm getting a handle on it. I found a few sneaky applications that have been overdrafting me and cancelled them, that should help. If Regions would quit their bullshit, I'd be somewhat okay.

When I first moved in, I made a lot of stupid financial decisions because I was scared and heartbroken and not thinking clearly, trying to fill a hole that had been ten years deep with things to make my new apartment seem like more of a place in which I could comfortably live out this punishment of independence. I have regretted those decisions, especially lately, since Regions has shit the bed so often and put me in the hot seat, but it is what it is, and my apartment is very nice and comfortable. Right now the only thing I need to change is the fact that after bills and food, there's not much room, if at all, to get other things done with. Oil changes, haircuts for Jack and I, spending money for weekends. If my car doesn't get refinanced I'm going to have to do something drastic, but I haven't heard back from her yet, and I'm just hoping that that jackass from Jefferson Financial was purposely saying no just so he wouldn't have to help me. Trust me, if you would have dealt with him, you would have understood what I was talking about.

It is Mother's Day this weekend and due to a mass miscommunication, we are not doing anything for it. I scheduled my oil change for tomorrow, then going to pick up a birthday gift for someone, then going home and not emerging until Sunday. I really want to go to that doberge place in the city on Sunday. They have fucking peanut butter and jelly doberge. Can you imagine? And chocolate raspberry. Fatttttt. Forecast says rain all weekend but if it doesn't I'm going to sit by my goddamn pool and read my books and finish the rest of the Ted Bundy tapes. I have had a hellish week at work so far and last weekend was nuts and I need to marinate in my own company. If we wouldn't have had such a miscommunication about Mother's Day I would be doing something, but I've moved too much around and can't put myself in a mess just because people can't communicate properly.

We have an extra paycheck this month so I am hoping with the extra that I will have enough to finance Big Easy and Biloxi and still have money to put back in the Disney fund. I don't know. We will see. I've always had a really bad habit of worrying about things WAYYY before they come down the pike. Living on my own has taught me that I only have the knowledge, the energy, and the funds to worry about what is immediately in front of me. I have also been doing better with boundaries for myself, which I've always had problems with before. So yeah, I am learning. It may have taken me awhile to get my head out of my ass, but I'm doing it.

I just wish I didn't always have this terrible feeling that I am holding onto all of it by my fingernails.

-Rae