until the words run out

Every day I tell myself I'm going to stop writing in this thing and then I can't stick to it. I guess I'll do it till my words run out. For those of you looking forward to that day, I know it seems it will never come, but you might be wrong. There's always something else to say, but it doesn't necessarily mean it'll do any good. That's where I'm at right now with words-you can write em and say em and mean em, but it doesn't mean they'll do fuck all. Some study showed that writing your anger out on the Internet makes you angrier. I guess it depends on how you process said anger.

This past weekend was.....

The only part worth a damn was Sunday. I got dinner cooked for me (yum) and watched The Dirt, that Netflix show about Motley Crue, which was pretty damn good. Otherwise, I'm glad it's over. Hoping this one will be better. Went to the Power of One in Elmwood on Friday, damn thing was as long as sorrow, left and got Popeyes and didn't leave the apartment until Saturday morning. Meant to go to cemetery but I just kept on going till I got to the beach. Went to the cemetery there. It's pretty, but the best part about it is is that there's a bathroom. I know, it's the small things. Went to the beach but didn't stay long. Went to Sharkheads. The drive home seemed to take forever.

Mom got us rooms at Hollywood Casino for Good Friday weekend...trying to work enough hours so I'm not choking moneywise. They have a lazy river; I plan on getting into it and not moving all day. Of course, I say that when I really mean I'll be chasing after Riley for six hours. Lacey may come, not sure yet. Then tubing, then Aaron Lewis and Big Easy. Gotta find out what I'm gonna do with Jack that weekend. This weekend I was supposed to go to Monster Truck show (lol) but not sure if that's still happening, and then Saturday night is Game Night.

Reading back over some super old entries in here...it's funny how loneliness will cause you to make someone else into more than they really are, convince yourself that you feel more for them then you really do, because the person you really want to notice you, isn't. You can tell yourself all kind of lies and marinate in denial, but at the end of the day, you know you're full of bullshit. You can convince yourself that your someone else is magical and shits unicorns and gold bricks and is superior in every other way, but it's usually limerence. Or denial. Probably denial. Who knows. My point is-loneliness makes small things look large.

And if you let it, loneliness will fuck you right up the dick.

-Rae

good things

-I think if I'm careful, I might be able to swing this whole living alone thing.

-breakfast for dinner tonight.

-I wrote a little yesterday.

-Cleaned out my closet (finally) and hung up my clothes.

-taking St John's Wort to give me a kick in the ass. I took some when I got home from Biloxi and it helped me get my ass in gear.