the times they are a'changing

I have Gatlinburg on my mind today.

I'm assuming that it has something to do with the fact that the pictures from our last few trips kept flashing across my TV last night. Not sure why, they've been in a Lina/Connor baby shower arc these days. I guess it's the nice weather too-I went and took Jack out on my lunch break and the field between my building and the next was filled with butterflies and was really quite pretty.

Now I can't get it off my mind-the thrill when you get closer and closer and the ground starts rising up to meet the sky until it all pops up into mountains. That spot near that cabin that we always liked to go, that stream hidden behind it. How close the air is in there, how different it is from home, flat and full of swamplands. I miss it like crazy.

And I know this probably sounds dramatic and god forbid, negative, but I still have this feeling that I will never see Gatlinburg again. I've had that feeling for a long time. Of course I know I am perfectly able to go there without him, but it feels like I've seen the last of it, and I don't know why. Oh well, If it was going to be my last trip, I'm glad that the last time we went was a lot of fun.

Still, it is hard to put a love of the mountains at rest. I know he's going this year. It will feel strange not being there. I will concentrate on Disneyworld. Found out that the Harry Potter thing is split up into two parks at Universal (which seems incredibly stupid) and now I have to choose which one to see (first world problems, anyone?) so I guess I'll be doing research soon. Mom says it's $80 to get into another park, which is ridiculous, but I might not get back to Disney for a long long time, so I kind of want to see what I can while I can. I'm sure Mom will plan every breath we take, but I'm going to break out on my own when I can. We're staying on Disney grounds, so it's not like I can't hop the monorail or whatever if I need to get back. Our hotel is cool-each little cluster of buildings is themed, like The Little Mermaid. We're staying in Cars, for Riley.

Last night I was very pleasantly surprised by someone I know and care about..the feeling of relief that I got from this interaction was sorely, sorely needed. It's good to know that people can still surprise you.

Orange chicken and peas tonight. Last night I attempted to make those ham and cheese sliders you make in the oven...they came out okay. I am happy that I'm managing to keep my apartment very clean (even my bathroom stays neat, no more black hole). My clothes are still in bags in my closet, I can't get up the energy to do any more laundry. I guess I'll just get it over with this weekend. Going to go back to cemetery Saturday, if this weather keeps up.

I no longer know where I am in the healing process. I'm tired of trying to figure it out.

-Rae

positive things:

-I figured out how to update my ancient iPod with my laptop instead of my prehistoric iMac.

-Saving a lot of money right now by hunting down PDFs of books I want to read.

-Tomorrow is Thursday.

-Friday I technically only work half a day because I have some retail Power of One conference to go to.

-I have a $50 AT&T giftcard for using them for my Internet, so I don't have to pay out of pocket for my cable bill this month.

-light bill is beautifully low.

-managed to knock down cell phone bill from $150 to $100.

-my new account at a new bank is accumulating interest, which will become my Disney fund.