closing time

My last post sounded sort of cynical. And glib. Possibly toeing the line of bitchy.

Binge watching Weeds can often lead to fits of glib-ness. It isn't always deserved. As Dumbledore says about rudeness-it happens quite often. Best not to say anything else on the very off chance that you're reading.

I'm sure I wasn't any picnic, either. And I'm more than willing to bet my paycheck that there are things about me that aren't missed, or even celebrated in their absence, and to that I say fair enough. I know we've both given each other a nice little set of emotional hurdles to jump over, and we can't help each other get over them. If we could, maybe the last few months (ok, let's be real-four years) wouldn't have happened. Maybe you're happier without me. Maybe all this glib-ness is helping you get over me faster. I don't know. Don't expect to know. Don't really want to know, either, but one of these days I'll find out whether I want to or not. Big city, small town.

I've been forced to come to a lot of my own conclusions over the past year, none of which taste particularly good going down. Can't really blame you for the reason it all tanked...God's cruel joke just keeps retelling itself. In the past, I redirected the blame to you, because it's easier to blame someone else rather then the universe, because the universe doesn't care and it doesn't push back. Not our fault that it happened. The fault just lies with both of us for not handling it well. It's not something you ever anticipate happening, so we weren't prepared. The universe just put a hand on both of our chests and pushed us away from each other, and we are no match for the universe. After awhile it seemed like we could only protect ourselves, and not each other, so we stopped and instead battened down our own hatches against each other, and not the problem. Sad, but natural.

But we've said all this before, haven't we? Many times. There's no magic spell, no rock un-turned, nothing to be said or done to reverse any of it.

Going to stop myself before I keep beating dead horses.

I guess I'll talk when there's something new to say.

-Rae

Closing time Time for you to go out into the world Closing time Turn the lights up over every boy and every girl Closing time One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer Closing time You don't have to go home but you can't stay here

Closing time Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end