Promise

God, I don’t care if there’s a higher reason you’re doing all this, I don’t give a flying rat’s fucking dead carcass if you’re going to give me my future husband after this, I don’t give a shit about all about all the utter bullshit people say about you having a higher purpose that is beyond our understanding, I don’t give a hot fuck if you punish me for my hatred, I don’t care if people who are married for 30 odd years have to go through this and actually divorce and divide up property and children and this is a cakewalk in comparison, I don’t even care if I’m the only one in this suspended relationship that feels this way and if it makes me selfish and petty, then so be it- But I will never, ever, ever forgive you for this. Ever. Even if we both find some else who makes us happier ( and I’m sure one of us is already on that path) this was totally unnecessary. You gave us everything and you took it away and didn’t even make it a reason that either of us could understand and everything that should have worked didn’t, so to hell with this fucking blind trust you ask for. I’ll never fucking trust you again. What’s to stop you from doing this again? Why even fucking bother? Ten fucking years, man. Ten. In the broad scope of the universe, it doesn’t seem like much, but it was the fucking world to me. And you just didn’t do it to me, you did it to him, especially. What the fuck, man? Hasn’t the fucking guy had to deal with enough? Punish me if you have to for my blasphemy, but to hell with your good intentions. If you don’t intend to fucking help, get the fuck out of my way. Don’t you have better things to do? Aren’t there fucking people being abused, aren’t there people with cancer, aren’t there children who are hungry with no where to lie their heads at night? Do you have nothing better else to do? I’m fully aware that the world is not a wish granting factory and that everything we are and do is just a shout into the fucking void, but you really had to do this? You really had to look at Sid and Rae and say, “Well, they went through a shooting, a death, a hurricane, an eviction, a fire, but I think they’re seriously overdue for a totally unnecessary problem that comes from no where and cannot be fixed or explained by any means necessary.” You really had to, didn’t you? Nice. I’m sure sexually abused children and starving families in third world countries really appreciate your focus. Don’t you fucking ever give me someone I love so fucking much and take them away from me for such bullshit reasons. And if you’re gonna be petty, you could at least hook me up with one of those internal switches I can flick on and off. This may be the right choice but without your fucking useless interference it wouldn’t have even had to happen. Fucking pointless. Yeah, I’m angry. I’m hurting. I’m scared. I’m frustrated and I’m confused and I know when the water’s clear I might not be so pissed and emo and you’re probably sitting up there shaking your head in amusement at all of this over dramatic insanity. So go on, keep being self satisfied if it makes you feel like the big man. You ARE God, after all. You may press the buttons but you gave us free will, and what I choose to do with it is to

never trust you.