ES-CAPAY

I'm not sure how this is going to go.

I've probably had three handfuls of blogs in the 31 years I've been alive. The longest running, of course, was my Livejournal, which spanned 2003-2016. And even before that, I was, of course, on Deadjournal, a favorite hangout of little Hot Topic self proclaimed misanthropes like me.

Many years later and minus the ability to carry off a four inch spike bracelet, here I am. I'd like to say things have changed, and mostly they have, but I'm still a mess. I still go to Hot Topic, even though I feel like a fraud being in there. I don't care how cute you are-hit 22 and black nail polish and shoddy jewelry that makes your skin turn green is suddenly very passe.

It's times like these when I miss MySpace. Before all this victim shaming and 'my hardship is worse than your hardship' and 'shut up, you're so depressing' bullshit started to fall down like acid rain, turning every emotion we have into weapons and every opinion we have into bombs. On MySpace, I didn't have to worry about posting a three page bulletin about my favorite band or my worst memory growing up. We were young adults allowed to be young adults.

Now, if I'm sad, if I post something that isn't a fucking meme or a stupid fucking Facebook game or liberal rag, I have to hear, 'If you keep posting that, people are gonna think we're breaking up' or, 'Rae, you're fucking miserable' or 'What's up with your Facebook these days?'

I'm fucking tired of censoring myself.

So I wasted the better part of a Monday night making this dumbass blog so that I can finally express myself without having to feel like I'm inconveniencing people with how I feel. If you visit this site, you do so with your own finger on your own mouse.

Of course, this blog is for other things. All the deep, dark, life ruining shit is locked up somewhere else.

If I want to post a four page fucking survey because it calms me down, I will.

If I want to bitch about my day, I will.

But mostly I just want to get away from Facebook.

It wasn't that MySpace was better. It was just that everyone's been told their shit is more important than everyone else's. Emotions are not emotions anymore-they are rights we have to earn.

Fuck that.

-Rae