mutiny

Haven't written in a few days because A) I seem to have traveled from the Shire to Mordor since Friday and B) my brain feels like a library plowed by a tornado. Walmart was fucking around with my script and I didn't get my Armour till almost too late. I can feel the books in my head starting to re-organize though, which is a very off-putting feeling but better than the alternative.

I stayed at Sid's house throughout last week to watch Op while he was in Gatlinburg. Didn't do much except read and watch Disney movies. Being there is still kind of strange, but I've got so much on my mind with Christmas and con and Disney that I'm too exhausted to deal with anything else. Luckily Lacey was able to come by on the days that I couldn't and check on him. We went to the Red Maple on Thanksgiving with my Dad's family (sans Autum and Riley) and it was pretty good. Took about 45 min to get the bill, though. We picked up Riley from Christine's on the way home and Nanny came over to Mom's and we watched Disney videos until Autum got there so we could pick secret santa.

Went all the way to LaPlace that night, left Jack there in the AM, came to work. Got to leave at 11:30.

Went to Walmart, Petco, Target, then back home, cleaned out my car, had mini panic attack, cleaned up my place, had mini nervous breakdown, pulled myself together, got Jack and my stuff and went to Laplace, stopped at Mathernes, got me some club sandwiches and some JD Apple and finally, finally, FINALLY made it to the condo. I was so wound up that I didn't even feel like drinking, if that makes any sense. I did, however, have something to look forward to-Sid was kind enough to get me a 1938 vintage camera from an antique shop out there. I can't wait to see it and to hold it and to check out if it actually shoots. Thinking about it has saved me from losing my shit a few times.

Woke up early Saturday, got dressed, picked up a few things, then packed up the car and Jack and bombed out for Des Allemends to get Bryan. Came ALL the way back to Kenner, stopped at Rally's and then Happy Wok, then at home. Watched Stepbrothers and some comedy with Bryan until Scott got off of work. He wanted to go get the Luke helmet from Gamestop so we took a ride with him. Kenner didn't have it so we had to go all the way to Lakeside. Got his helmet, decided to go to Whole Foods for this awesome cheese that Scott and I found last time we went there. Ironically enough, it's called SARTORI, and it's tangy and delicious. Bryan got some extra fancy chocolate milk (he put salt in it later and it made it even better-I know, we were skeptical as well) and some berry chantilly ice cream (that's actually a thing) and we lit out for my place. Stopped at Subway for some noms.

It was extremely stuffy and hot in my apartment when we got there, so I opened up the window and took a shower (had to bring Jack in there with me so I could cool him down) but around 10:30 the heat was just way too much, so we decided to pack up everything and go to LaPlace for the AC and closer proximity to Hammond. It was frustrating because I had just UNPACKED everything from staying over there and now I had to get makeup and an outfit and gahhh it's a miracle I didn't forget anything. Made it all the way over there, didn't stay awake for long on account we had to be up early the next morning.

Woke up at 7, got dressed, ran to Walmart, packed up everything I needed to pack, nudged the boys awake. Holly and them bois were going to be late because she went to some gay furry rave on the VR all night so we dilly dallyed and went to get breakfast and then stopped at Books a Million in Hammond. Got to Renfest about 10:30ish and walked a bit. It was an excellent day for Renfest, great weather and not too crowded. Lacey got there not long after so I met her at the gate and then we rejoined up with the guys and went to the tavern for some mead. After that we checked out blown glass and I harassed some goats. Wandered down to the jousting arena where I was very happy to discover that they sell cuban sandwiches, so I stopped snacking on my Jack Daniels and ate it while we watched the joust, which was much better than last year. After that we wandered around and found a secret pub with a cool pirate band called the Jackdaws, wandered some more until we found a cool art shop.

Scott bought me a really awesome print of some pirate ships (early xmas present) but the lady didn't have it in stock so they said they'd mail it to me. By that time Holly and them bois were there so we met up with them and we all descended upon the food square like a pack of wolves. There were scotch eggs and turkey legs and bread bowl soups and fried oreos but everyone had one objective and that was to drink, so we walked and ate all the way back up to the tavern, where everyone bought BOTTLES of mead. Not cups. BOTTLES, like the size of champagne bottles. We hung out in the tavern for awhile and then wandered around, stopping so that they could throw axes and spears. Went back to jousting section to look around and then they decided they wanted more mead so Scott, Lacey and Bryan and I hung out by the lake while they got that. We hung out there for awhile and then decided to keep walking further, and I found the very loud and happy cheesecake guy and got some cheesecake on a stick, which we all decimated. Lacey left at that point because she had driven in from Gulf Shores and was tired. We found the pirate ship (which is evidently a pirate bar now) and hung around for a sea shanty before finding the secret pub again. Turns out they had some cool drinks that we hadn't seen and they even had framboise, of which I gleefully partook. We hung out up there for awhile, listening to the Jackdaws. Some dude dressed like a leprechaun came over and started showing us magic tricks but I was feeling no pain and didn't want to deal with any tricksy leprechauns so I wandered around in the woods for awhile and got progressively drunker until he magicked himself away and then we started dancing. We walked some more until we got to the rainbow crystal booth and Holly was very gracious and bought me a large rainbow catcher. It looks like a big crystal star and is hanging up in my bedroom as we speak.

I went back to the art gallery because the lady had found the print Scott bought in a back room. We walked back to the food court with the others but Scott and Bryan and I were tired so we decided to head back. Said goodbye to the others, got back on the road, drove all the way to LaPlace. Boys decided they wanted Chinese so I dropped them off at Dragon Garden and ran a quick errand. Picked them up, went back to Sid's, let them eat, and then got them back on the road to my place, which was much cooler by then. Ate some of my own Chinese in the bathtub, washed my work clothes, uploaded pictures (I took a LOT) and then Scott and I went to lie down because we were fucking destroyed.

Now I'm here and tired and wanting the rest of my Chinese.

Christmas is taken care of (thank God) and I managed to work out my hours so I may be able to do Comic Con ticket and room if I'm careful enough. I get paid right before con so hopefully leaving my AC off will result in my having a little more room, though I rarely buy things at con. If that glitter company comes back I may be fucked, but who knows? After con, I need to hustle big time because Disney is coming down the pike very quickly and I'm starting to stress about it. I really do not want to touch my credit card anymore.

Weekend after this one is a Disney meeting. I don't plan on doing anything for this one except maybe doing some major reorganizing of my apartment.

I cannot believe it'll be a year that I've been at Sunlake. I wince when I think about how bad it was in the beginning, and how it felt to leave the condo and everything I knew behind. I can't believe I actually did it, that I was able to do it at all. This new life is so completely different and all consuming, and though it's rewarding in its own way, the thought of doing it forever makes me nauseous. I have to re-sign my lease in January, and I'm not looking forward to it, but I knew better than to think that all would change in a year. I have no idea what the future holds and I don't bet anything when it comes to the future, but I do know that when I became single I was worried that my life would grind to a halt. If anything, it's sped up to the point where I regularly have to stop myself from whatever I'm doing and tell myself to take a deep breath. I am going to make a more dedicated effort to calm down when it comes to planning things, because I'm starting to get this maybe-I'm-just-panicking-for-no-reason-but-paranoia-is-a-motherfucker feeling that maybe the reason people don't come out when I plan things is because I'm so anal and it's no fun to have someone on your ass all the time. Believe me, I hate that I'm like this. It's not fun and I wish I could hand over the reins to someone else, but giving up that control would probably drive me batshit. I've tried to hand it off to people and it just falls apart like wet toilet paper. I'm tired of people telling me 'just relax' and 'let it flow' because I literally CANNOT DO THAT, but I also don't want to lose any friends because of it. It's a shitty Catch 22. However, I have to keep reminding myself that baby steps is the way. I have to accept that if people don't want to respond to my reminders, if they don't come, that's their loss, whatever.

I guess my job has been making it worse. It enrages the piss out of me that my patients take no responsibility for themselves and have no respect for other patients, their therapists, or the scheduling staff. They can't read calendars, can't show up on time, and will make everyone wait up for them and not even bother to call. Since I am the one who almost always has to fix it, it drives me fucking nuts. When you don't show up, or show up late, it's a lack of respect for other people's time.

It's not that hard to leave earlier when you know you have an appointment, it's not rocket science to pick up the phone and call, it's just not that fucking hard and it shouldn't be.

Sorry.

I just need some sleep. I need for this month to end.

-Rae