come and go room

Dreaming of people I shouldn't be dreaming about. Goddamn reminders. Can't remember exactly what I dreamed last night, but I do know it was a big no no. Bad me.

This weekend was not bad. On Thursday I went over to Mom's to have a little cake and ice cream party for Riley, who turned 5. We gave him the Spiderman bike that Autum and I got for him. It is hard to believe he is 5. Got off early Friday, came home and cleaned up the apartment. Before Scott came over (we're trying to finish all the Harry Potter movies) I ran to the store and got some cheap raspberry wine, and I got extra fancy and put real raspberries in it. Pinky out, bitches. Finished Half Blood Prince.

On Saturday Scott went to work and Lacey took me to go see The Lion King, which was very nice of her. I enjoyed it-it wasn't as funny as the cartoon but it was a beautiful movie. When I got home, I actually fell asleep due to the weather until Scott called and woke me up. Julian gave Scott his old pillowtop mattress, so I decided to go take a ride and help (as much as I could help) him get it to his house. Went over to Julian's, where James and Scott tied it all up to the truck, Julian gave away two end tables (which I took because Scott didn't need them) and we went to Bayou Gauche and unloaded the truck, then brought the truck back to Hahnville and got Scott some pizza before heading back to my place to watch the first part of Deathly Hallows.

Got up on Sunday and ran to the store for some bacon, then came back home and cooked breakfast and watched Hell's Kitchen with Scott. He put together my new bookcase and my new end tables (very nice of him) and we watched that silly cooking show until it was time for me to get dressed for Riley's real birthday party at the place that reason forgot-Chuckie Cheese. All things considered, Chuckie Cheese isn't so bad to handle when you have the option of chugging Jim Beam in the bathroom. It could have been worse. Kid made out like a bandit, though.

Came home and ate dinner, read a little in the tub, then passed the fuck out.

This weekend times will be tight so I don't plan on doing much, maybe some things around the apartment I've been putting off. Haven't been swimming lately, going to try to do that. Found some dental pills I want to get Jack if I can swing it. I can't wait until this heat is over with. Tired of my fucking Entergy bill. I'm afraid to see what it'll be, but if it's high again I'm calling them up and throwing a fit, there's no way it can be that high again, with all of my precautions. Also going to do a cooking experiment this weekend. Since Cheesecake Factory was rude enough to take away their cuban crispy rolls, I'm going to do my own. Might end up blowing up the apartment building but fuck it.

Next check is falling right on the tubing date, which is a good thing, It's a good thing I bought a bag of ice for the hurricane that never came. Now all I'll need is admission and food and food won't cost that much. Hopefully I have enough extra so that I can buy myself something at 2nd and Charles. I took off the Friday before because Chelsea is coming in and spending the night again, and so is Scott, Bryan, and Lacey. Hoping everyone doesn't drop out, looking forward to it. Really need to buy my ticket for Oddities fair soon.

One of my high school friends is in Gatlinburg and seeing his pictures is making me a bit depressed so I hid him, not sure why it hurts so badly.

I can't escape this feeling that I am doing everything in my life in the wrong order. Of course, there is no 'wrong order' to what you do in your life, really. It's 2019 and it's silly to feel upset that I haven't conformed to the cookie cutter path that everyone else does. It's very confusing because I love my apartment, but there's always something in the way of my being completely and totally happy. I know what it is but there's no way around it right now and so I have to keep plugging away.

I really need a second job but with the way mine is going right now I can't possibly commit to another one, not to mention I think Jack might jump off the balcony if I spend any more time away from the apartment. He's become incredibly clingy, even more so than usual. He doesn't want anyone else near me nowadays. When it gets cooler I need to start taking him out to the Lakefront or even Lafreniere, get him out of the apartment. As good as his health is I know it won't last forever.

I wish it were Thursday. I'd go home and get in the pool.

-Rae